Positive parenting is based on measurable principles: quality of communication, emotional management, and consistency in the framework set for the child. Articles on the subject often cover the same general themes. This article isolates ten concrete practices, relying on available data regarding screens, parental mental load, and recent recommendations.
1. Reduce technoférence to restore parental attention
The term “technoférence” refers to the interruption of a parent-child interaction by the use of a screen. This phenomenon is identified as an emerging parental issue by several recent studies. The parent’s screen fragments the relationship just as much as the child’s does.
Specifically, putting your phone out of reach during meals and evening rituals changes the quality of exchanges. The child perceives the adult’s real availability, which strengthens the attachment bond without additional educational effort. Useful resources on this topic are regularly shared on maman-bienveillante.com, particularly regarding screen management in families.
2. Apply screen guidelines based on usage context, not timing
The current French recommendations, derived from the interministerial report Children and Screens, In Search of Lost Time submitted in April 2024, do not set a universal hourly threshold. They prioritize the context of use.
Three structuring guidelines emerge from this framework:
- No screens in the child’s room, regardless of age
- No exposure in the hour leading up to bedtime
- Systematic adult supervision for digital content
The context of exposure matters more than the raw duration. A child watching a documentary with a parent is not in the same situation as a child alone in front of a tablet.
3. Name the child’s emotions with precise words
Positive parenting places a central focus on listening to emotions. However, naming an emotion vaguely (“you are angry”) does not have the same effect as qualifying it precisely (“you are frustrated because your drawing does not look like what you imagined”).
A precise emotional vocabulary helps the child regulate their reactions. This practice does not require training: it relies on observation and reformulation. The adult describes what they perceive, and the child feels understood.
4. Set limits without resorting to punishment or reward
The framework remains a pillar of positive parenting. Rules exist, but their mode of application changes. Punishment cuts off communication. Reward conditions behavior on an external gain.
The alternative is to formulate clear limits, explain their reasons, and maintain the rule consistently. A firm and explained “no” is not authoritarianism. The consistency of the framework gives the child a stable reference, which reduces oppositional behaviors.
5. Lighten the parental mental load related to school digital tools
School communication tools (apps, messaging, digital notebooks) fragment exchanges and multiply requests. According to observations from the report of the General Inspectorate of Education, Sports and Research, part of the coordination and monitoring work is transferred to parents.
This parental digital overload becomes a parenting issue in its own right. Grouping consultations of these tools into a fixed time slot, rather than checking them continuously, reduces mental dispersion and frees up time for direct interaction with the child.
6. Practice active listening rather than immediate advice
When faced with a child in difficulty, the parental reflex is often to offer a solution. Active listening involves reformulating what the child expresses before any suggestion.
This technique, derived from non-violent communication, allows the child to feel heard. It reduces emotional escalations. The parent does not need to “solve”: sometimes it is enough to reflect the emotion for the child to find a way out themselves.
7. Set an example in managing one’s own emotions
The child learns more through imitation than instruction. A parent who verbalizes their own frustration teaches emotional regulation without a pedagogical discourse.
Saying “I am annoyed by the noise, I will take a minute to calm down” provides a concrete model. The child integrates that the emotion is normal and that there are strategies to navigate it.
8. Dedicate a short but exclusive daily time to each child
The amount of time spent together matters less than the quality of attention. A time slot of ten to fifteen minutes, without screens or interruptions, dedicated to an activity chosen by the child, produces measurable effects on emotional security.
This exclusive time requires no preparation. Playing, reading, drawing, or simply chatting: the child remembers the parent’s total availability, not the nature of the activity.
9. Replace negative injunctions with positively formulated instructions
“Don’t run” becomes “walk slowly.” “Stop shouting” becomes “speak softly.” The child’s brain processes a positive instruction better than a prohibition.
This reformulation requires a conscious effort at first. It gradually changes the dynamics of exchanges: less tension, more cooperation. The child understands what is expected of them instead of only receiving what they should not do.
10. Accept parental imperfection as a component of a caring framework
Positive parenting does not aim for perfection. A parent who loses their temper, regains composure, and discusses it with their child conveys a valuable relational skill: the ability to repair.
Moments of rupture, followed by sincere reconnection, strengthen the bond rather than weaken it. Repairing after a conflict is an integral part of educational kindness. The goal is not to eliminate friction but to teach children to navigate these moments together.
Among these ten practices, those concerning technoférence and parental digital overload remain rarely addressed in usual positive parenting guides. However, they constitute a concrete lever, directly linked to recent French recommendations on screens and family life.
